Dec 2, 2003
Well for starters my *@&!*@ of a mother has taken away my internet again....Yeah its true I am sneaking on right now. lol stupid woman has no idea I am online....hahahah ok just kidding no one is home but me and my brother left it on so I am using this oppurtunity to tell you all how I am doing. Everything is shitty. lol My well Nannette told me she is going to cause trouble for me wherever I go. Lovely huh? Well so yeah I am no longer going to be able to chat and all that good stuff I can email and talk on the phone....crazy how her mind works...anyway I have been doing some repairs on my friendships since she has tried to damage them. She also saw me writing an email to my friend saying that yeah we could get together that weekend then ten minuted later she decided that THIS weekend I was going to be grounded..coincidence? I think NOT. Anyway I am doing ok. School blows but I have realized it is my only way out of this hell hole. Not to sound pessimistic but yeah I hate it here. So if ya'll wanna talk to me call me or write me an email.
snowbladin_chic@hotmail.comPosted at 06:09 pm by ferreesamantha
Nov 30, 2003
I am sorry it has been so long since my last entry. I have been downstate spending time with my Dad. It has been a while since I did that because we fought and didnt talk for a while. But no wwe are ok and I am here to tell you I had a blast over thanksgiving. I went down on Wednesday after school, I picked up Liv and got my brother then we packed the car and left for Battle Creek. I was a little scared to go at first I was thinking things would still be shaky with my dad. Well everything was fine, some of my friends dow tehre called me and we hung out a little then we had thanksgiving and then my family spent the rest of the weekend watching movies, it was really fun...no internet mess no hassles of being home it was liek a nice little vacation....Olivia has started pulling herself up on things and is now eating cheerios all by herself....so proud....but anyway tomaro I have school again (not cool) but then afterwards I ama going shopping so it will be ok. I also have some homework so I had better get going. But I just wanted to tell ya'll that I had an awesome vacation and there is a bunch more i could say but I wont because it isnt relevant to my great vacation all I am gonna say is heather hunny I a praying for you..evan will not solve all your problems and he will only get you to drink more......Luv ya all and I wish you all the best in life
Posted at 05:41 pm by ferreesamantha
Nov 24, 2003
Since I am pretty sure he is never reading my blog again I am putting this convo on here...This hurt me bad....If anyone else has something to say speak up and get it overwith......Here:
jeffy_bear: have fun, drink and do some drugs for me.......
soferree: no need to be snotty and I am done with that after the "incident" so we'll just leave it at that
soferree: I have learned my lesson
soferree: granted i learned it the hard way
soferree: but I still learnd I am more than that
soferree: shower time damnit i am gonna be late lol
jeffy_bear: yea, time will tell.......
soferree: always but youd be suprised at how much i care about this goal
jeffy_bear: you should have cared about your daughter more when the chance came up to even try drugs.......i promise, if you get busted on drugs, you will lose your kid......
soferree: well its not gonna happen and besides i wasnt really on DRUGS jesus what do you think i am
soferree: anyway
soferree: no more alcohol or anything and dont even try your macho bullshit on me anymore
jeffy_bear: you typed yourself that you took some pills......i read it
soferree: ok well i said I am done it only lasted two weekends
soferree: so its fine
jeffy_bear: you're a joke.......
soferree: really? explain ? cuz it seems to me i am a teenager .........
jeffy_bear: you can't be a teenager.......you fucked that up long ago......
soferree: I can be a teenager jeff just cant do everything normal
soferree: its people like you that make people like me feel like shit just because you think youre so perfect
soferree: I cant do this
soferree: just stop
jeffy_bear: i feel sorry for your kid.......she doesn't stand a chance at this rate
jeffy_bear: you stop
soferree: omg i cant beleive you jsut said that
jeffy_bear: well i did.......sam, i don't see any reason for us to talk any more......
soferree: thats fine jeff but just to let you know youre not as mature as you think I have to go cry now omg....
jeffy_bear: i'm not mature because i tell it like it is??? i'm mature because i don't candy coat it for anyone......that's real
soferree: jeff it is done i have stopped she is my world have you read that? you think you know me? no you dont so let sjust leave it at that
jeffy_bear: i'm looking at it from a professionals point of view........not as a friends point.......i've seen several cases just like you, you're not better than the rest of those people
soferree: thanks for the pick me up
soferree: listen jeff I know what I want and what I have to do it has been made clear to me.....no thanks to you..... you missed that boat I am just gonna say that my life will be ok and livias will too. I know this because it is up to me and I know I cando this
soferree: so if it means proving you wrong then so be it
jeffy_bear: ok
soferree: but thanks for your opinion and I will take it into consideration
Posted at 08:42 pm by ferreesamantha
Nov 23, 2003
Seems as though When I write my blogs I only mention the sad parts of the day...Well this is not the whole story obviously or else I would have committed suicide by now...There are good parts to the day..I cherish those. I tell about the bad things so that I can get them off my chest and and move on..Well I have decided to share the good things with all of you too. Here are some goods points of my day so far...
- Olivia can now sit and crawl and tehn sit again all by herself.
- She can also eat cheerios and small bits of food by herself..
- I scrubbed my house down...it is like new..lol
- I have a deeper appreciation for my true wonderful friends...you know who you are...
- My Dad made it through his surgery and is going to be o.k.
- I found a quarter on the floor....always good lol
Well that is all for now and it is only 10:20 a.m. I am going to go clean Olivias toys for her and do some more laundry...I want the house looking its best when my mom comes home next week...
Posted at 10:22 am by ferreesamantha
Nov 22, 2003
This is for my daughter. I love her so much. She is the most important person in the world to me. Last night I went out again. I got wasted and began to pass out after I made some phone calls ofcourse. Well after I was hungup on again by like 5 people I realized I needed to go home. I wanted to go home and pass out. BUT by the time I realized this it was to late. There was no ride home. I was stuck in East Jordan. Granted it was my decision to go and my decision to drink, I didnt want to be there anymore. AT ALL. I was passing out and something happened. Now I would rather have 3 M.I.P.s than ever have this happen again. If you cant guess what happened then I think you are a moron. I wish the party had been busted just so I could go home or leave and not be at that apartment anymore. which brings em back to my point. I love my daughter, I wish I would have been at her Dads with her and playing with her. It was an option. An option I had failed to choose. Tonight I am not going out. There is a huge party in East Jordan. I am opting to not go. I never ever want to see those people ever again. They are not my friends. They never will be. But from now on I will be staying home on the weekends with my daughter and when she does go to her dads I will find something else to do.
*Did I mention party in East Jordan.....Right near B.C. Pizza???*
Posted at 06:16 pm by ferreesamantha
Nov 21, 2003
I finally realized tonight that no one cares. The only thing that people care about is ass and partying. Well I am here to tell you that it is hurting me. I am tired of partying. I got really drunk tonight. I am not gonna lie I took some pills and then I made soem phone calls I shouldnt have. For a while I couldnt even feel my hands well I sort of still cant but I am sober. This has hit me. I have fucked tings up bad this time. No one really actually cares about me. I am so incrediably down right now. I think that I may have actually hit rock bottom. This is sad. But who reads this anyway.? I have been hung up on and treated like shit by the people in my own house. I called my friends sister to come get her because she was not doin well. She had thrown up everywhere and I called her sister yet I am the dumb one I am the downer who doesnt know how to party...Why cant I just be one or the other. Partier or adult? I just want to know where I fit in. My friend didnt beleive that I was drunk or on anything. Iwish that was true but its not. He thought I wanted attention. No I wouldnt pretend jst for attention. I wish that this feeling would fade but its not. I just want to know where I belong...right now it is lookin as though I belong nowhere. maybe thats it.
Posted at 01:06 am by ferreesamantha
Nov 18, 2003
My friend David helped me realize something tonight......I have spent the past couple weeks trying to transform into someone that I am not...I realize that now no matter how much I changed I would always be me underneath.....I need to grow up in my own time...yes even though I have a kid and a million responsibilities I am still 17...I like to do things 17 year olds do....If I had changed and things were shitty I would have compromised everything that I am.....I am glad that this has happened Dave Thank you I just needed a kick in the ass to realize what the hell I was doing...I cannot pretend to be older and more mature than I really am..and if people cant handle it ... Thats their choice.
Posted at 08:25 pm by ferreesamantha
Nov 17, 2003
Everyone knows how rumors go...they hapen to the best of us...Well I am the victim of yet another rumor...Don't get me wrong I had a blast this weekend...I am just saying never ever live in a small town...Everything you do will bite you in the ass....Anyways I am preferring to not discuss this weekend..All I am saying is that I am learning the meaning of maturity....Thanks to a very respectable man. And Jon Thanks for being ssuch a sweetheart...you messages mean a lot.....after all I knew you before the army lol ok Well today is monday and I am sick witha sore throat so I am goin to go lay down and dream of better times lol j/k I am gonna go get ready for the day.....
Posted at 11:47 am by ferreesamantha
Nov 15, 2003
There is nothing to say now......
I cannot tell you how pissed I am right at this moment..... I am tired of basically being called immature and irresponsible...This is really getting to me.....Why do you have to be constantly impressed? Why are you so much better than me? Just be mad I have no idea what to do now...
Posted at 08:14 pm by ferreesamantha
OOOOHHH yesturday was a wild and crazy day.... my mom left to go to margarita island and now I am here all by myself!!! YAY also I hung out with some friends.........thats all I am saying...nuthin bad it is just to much for words...lol All I have to say is that I was ok and not gettin into trouble....but yeah tonight i think is goin to be lame...I wanna do something yet there is nothing to do... hmmmm I also have an empty house in town lol maybe I will hang out there.......ALSO dave I am really disapointed in ure blog....that was rude and I think you should apologize....
Posted at 05:27 pm by ferreesamantha
